Chapter 3:10 A New Beginning

< Chapter 3:9                                                             Chapter 3:11 >

It was the opportunity for a new beginning for me on August 8, 1988. I remember the anticipation that morning. I didn’t know what time it would be, but I was getting out, it was my last day in Baltimore City Jail. I took a t-shirt and tore off the piece that was near the waist. I took that piece of cloth and tore it again so I had two long strips that were about 3 feet long and 2 inches wide. I used shoelaces to tie knots at the ends of the sleeves and the neck so I could pack my belongings into the shirt without everything falling through. I packed my clothes, letters, books and pictures into my makeshift duffle bag, then used one of the 3 foot strips to tie it shut and looped it so it became a shoulder strap. Then I took the other strip, tied around my head like a bandana, and waited to hear my name. It had been two months of hell. Every day for the past 60 days, I had fought the heat, the rats, the roaches, the waking up in the morning and not knowing if I would make it through to go to bed that night alive. And today I was getting out. Today was a new beginning.

I remember being escorted downstairs. The big, steel, green doors swung open into the courtyard, and I walked towards the outer exit. As I waited for them to open the huge outer gates, I looked up to the sky. It was one of the most beautiful things I ever saw. I knew that this was an opportunity for a new beginning. Things could have been a lot worse. I had been facing almost 8 years in jail. Through compromises and deals between my lawyers, the judges and myself, I had ended up spending just over a year, 12 months, incarcerated. It was finally over. All my dues had been paid, my time had been served, and I was out.

I had $40 in my pocket, and no one to meet me when I left the jail. My mother had wanted to pick me up, but honestly, I didn’t want anyone to. Today was my new beginning. I had always counted on my family to bail me out, and today… it was up to me. I hailed a cab, and told him to take me as far north of Baltimore as he could for $20.

It was a quiet ride, the sun was shining, and the sky was a crystal blue. I remember the colors, the sounds, and the smells. The cab driver dropped me off along the side of Interstate 83, just north of Timonium, Md. And I started the next leg of what was to be a new beginning for my life.

I must have been a sight. At that time I was 6’3”, and about 225lbs. I had lost over 25 lbs over the last two months. My hair was long, past my shoulders. I was walking on crutches, wearing shorts, sneakers, and a Harley Davidson t-shirt, and my makeshift bandana. I stood there along the highway with my thumb out and my homemade duffle bag hanging over my shoulder.

I did a lot of thinking that day as the cars rolled by. I spent hours reliving my life. I looked at where all of my decisions had gotten me. I looked at what had been the cost of choices that I had made to that point. And I started to see things from a different perspective. I hadn’t had a drink in a while now, and I could see that maybe, just maybe, I was the one making the mistakes, not everyone else that I had been blaming.

The sun beat down and my mind was filled with thoughts of the past and excitement of a new beginning as I walked along the highway with my thumb out trying to catch a ride. I still thank God for the 5 amazing people who stopped to give me rides between Timonium and Selinsgrove, PA where I continued my journey walking until my crutches could take no more. I had worn through the rubber crutch tips somewhere around Harrisburg, and by Selinsgrove, which was somewhere between 50-75 miles north of Harrisburg, I had worn about 2 inches off of the crutches themselves as I continued to walk homeward.

After having spent the biggest part of spring and summer in jail, the August sun scorched my skin. But I was determined to be outside. I was short of my goal by about 45 miles, when I stopped. I couldn’t go on any farther. My leg was swollen, my skin was burning, and my hands were bleeding from the pressure from rubbing against the crutches.

I could see a Holiday Inn from where I stood on the highway and set off through a field to find the shortest way there. I snuck in through the lobby so I could wash myself in their restroom and changed clothes. Feeling exhausted, I decided to call my mother and asked her to come to Selinsgrove and pick me up. Then I walked into their restaurant and spent about $15 of my last $20 on some food. I was tired, but I was free. And I had accomplished one of the biggest feats in my life, but at the same time, I felt like a failure. In my mind, I was focusing on how I had failed again. I had hitchhiked almost 250 miles. But I wasn’t able to celebrate how far I had come; I could only see that I didn’t reach my goal of making it home without anyone helping me.

One thing was certain though, along the way I had thought a lot about this opportunity for a new beginning and committed to myself that I was never going to go back to that life again.

< Chapter 3:9                                                            Chapter 3:11 >

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