Chapter 4:1 The Final Party

< Chapter 3:11                                                                      Chapter 4:2 > 

August 17, 1989 was going to be my final party. My world was coming to an end. The fear was building. I knew that on Tuesday August 22nd, I was heading for court, and I knew that I was going back to jail. There was no way that I was going to charm my way out of this one. I was facing certain jail time, the loss of my band, my dignity and so much more. On Thursday, August 17th, I decided that I was going out for one last drunk. I was losing everything anyways, so I was going to get good and loaded. That was my focus and I set about to make my plan a reality.

Thursday nights were a big night in the bars in Williamsport, PA. There were two clubs just a couple of miles apart that were “party central” on Thursday. Williamsport was about 30 miles from where I was living, so around 7PM I set out to get drunk and get laid. In my mind, I didn't know when I would have the chance to do either again so I was going to make the best of my final party before going to jail. I started bouncing back and forth between the clubs until I found my target. She was a statuesque blonde who I had seen before in the crowd at our performances. I quickly started a conversation with her and we began to party. We drank and danced until the clubs closed for the night. Then she invited me to a party she was going to at her friend’s house. I was already 3/4 of the way to being extremely drunk and I believed that this was my chance to have sex with her. So I got the directions to her friend’s house and headed to the party. I don’t remember much about what happened when I got there, other than I was very drunk, and the way I was acting, my obnoxious, drunken ego wasn’t welcome. So rather than deal with the problems inside the house, she and I sat on the porch and continued to drink and talk.

Then something strange happened. She had gone in to get me a beer and one of the guys inside was telling her that I had to leave. She brought me my beer and sat down beside me. I can still see myself opening the can of beer, looking at the top and saying, “I’m finished.” I looked over the edge of the steps and started pouring it on the ground. By the way, when you are hanging out with other heavy drinkers and you pour out their beer, you become VERY unwelcome. The guys inside now started screaming directly at me telling me to get out. She went inside to calm them down, as she was working to get them quiet, I walked to my car and left.

The next thing I remember is waking up lying across the front seat of my car in a hotel parking lot somewhere between my home and Williamsport. As my head cleared, I tried to remember how I got there. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t remember. I lay there looking at the overcast sky. A feeling of self-loathing rushed over me as I realized what I had done the night before. It was just over a month since I had been arrested for drunk driving. How could I have done it again? I knew that I was playing Russian roulette with my own life, and the lives of others. Why couldn’t I stop? I sat there enraged with myself. How could I have done it again? It was the same nightmare. It was happening all over again. Wanting to stop, swearing to myself and God that I would quit, and then I would go out and drink myself into a blackout again. But this morning, something was different. What started out as the last party before I went to jail, had truly become my final party. 

< Chapter 3:11                                                                       Chapter 4:2 >


The Warrior Sage Chapter/Section

Who Is Willard Barth?
Author's Notes
Preface - Exploring Strength And Weakness
Chapter 1:1 - The Process Of Self-Awareness
Chapter 1:2 The Stages Of Child Development
Chapter 2:1 The World Changed Forever
Chapter 2:2 The Vicious Cycle Begins
Chapter 2:3 Losing Faith
Chapter 2:4 My Dark Secret
Chapter 2:5 Where Is The Love I Was Promised?
Chapter 3:2 The Road To Alcohol Dependence
Chapter 3:3 Leaving My Childhood Behind
Chapter 3:4 Escaping Responsibility; The Joy Ride Ends
Chapter 3:5 Living A Duality Begins
Chapter 3:6 Out Of Control
Chapter 3:7 Crossing The Line To Insanity
Chapter 3:8 The Black-out Drinking Begins
Chapter 3:9 Facing The Music
Chapter 3:10 A New Beginning
Chapter 3:11 More Lessons To Learn
Chapter 4:1 The Final Party
Chapter 4:2 A Moment Of Clarity
Chapter 4:3 My New Life Begins
Chapter 4:4 Sober - Time To Face The World
Chapter 4:5 The First Year Of Sobriety
Chapter 4:6 Major Change Comes In Year Two
Chapter 4:7 My Daughter Is Born April 20, 1992
Chapter 5:1 Life Changing Decisions Follow My Daughter's Birth 
Chapter 5:2 Recognizing The Voice Inside
Chapter 5:3 The Empress Hotel
Chapter 5:4 A New Chapter In My Life Begins
Chapter 6:1 Finding My Way Home
Chapter 6:2 Falling Into Place
Chapter 6:3 A New Awareness
Chapter 6:4 Personal Finances And Personal Development
Chapter 6:5 The George Washington Story
Chapter 6:6 Letting Go So Others Can Grow 
Chapter 6:7 The Wrap Up 


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