The Four Agreements

Self-Awareness 101 Episode 11: The Four Agreements

In this episode Willard discusses "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. Imagine what life could be like if everyone lived by these four simple ideas: 1) Be impeccable with your word. 2) Never assume 3) Don't take things personally and 4) Always do your best.

< EP 10: Use Our Imagination          EP 12: Courage / Scared To Death >

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After reading and discussing this book, I choose to take the four agreements and integrate them into my life as a tool for daily living. And I believe as I share with you the simplicity and power of these four agreements, you may yourself see how it could dramatically impact your own life, and even the world if we all applied these in our day to day interactions.

The first of the four agreements is to be impeccable with your word. When you say something, mean it. Not only with your commitment to others but with your word to yourself. So often we agree to things, or say we will do things with no real intention of following through. Whether you plan on dieting, whether you plan on exercising, when you commit to anything be impeccable with your word.

Being impeccable with your word also means being honest. As a friend of mine, Gary King shares in his program The Power Of Truth, "There is no such thing as an inconsequential lie." When we speak, do it honestly. Being impeccable with your word is also about being totally open in what you want to share with people, not being ambiguous. Be clear, and take away the potential for misrepresenting yourself. Being impeccable with your word is knowing that communication, that level of honesty and that level of commitment to follow through on your word, is so valuable.

The second commitment is to not take things personally. Now that can be a little tough in the beginning because we've all had experience where someone says something to us, maybe they even yell at us. We've all had those experiences where someone says something that really knocks us off guard and we're thinking, "What the heck did I do?" We can choose to take that personally, but let me turn that around and ask you, have you ever lashed out at someone when they really weren't the person you were angry at? Something to think about.

When we stop taking things personally and realize that the issue more than likely has nothing to do with us, then we're actually able to listen to what the other person is saying and work on healing that communication, rather than inflaming it by becoming defensive.

The third agreement is to never assume. Think about this for a moment, we never have all of the information that we need to make a correct assumption. We have one perception, and a very limited perception at that. There's an old saying that when you assume you make a ..(@!#).. out of you and me. Our assumptions are usually way off base because we simply haven't gotten all the facts. So instead of assuming, why not ask questions that get you the more information and help you to see the full picture? By not assuming and asking questions you can actually be involved in communication rather than confusion.

The fourth agreement is to always do your best. People who know me, know that I have a very strong aversion to the word "try". I say that because I believe that "try" is an excuse to fail. That when you say that you will "try" you don't really have to apply yourself to doing anything. When you say that you will "try" you're you've avoided making any kind of commitment to follow through on. But when you always commit to doing your best, that's when you begin setting a standard for yourself. You're committing that you will give 100 percent, no matter what. You may not succeed, you may make mistakes, you may fail; but you're going to give everything you've got to following through.

Now, when you tie those four agreements together it becomes a very powerful way of living your life. Take a moment and think about what kind of person you would be by applying them.

The first one, be impeccable to your word, to others and to yourself.

The second is to not take things personally. This will allow you to free yourself from the judgment of being accepted or rejected.

The third is to never assume, but actually gather the information, gather the facts.

And the fourth is to always do your best. It's an amazing feeling to go to bed at the end of the day, knowing that you could not have done any better than what you did.

I invite you right now to journal, or make some entries into the computer and list each of the agreements.

List all four, and then next to each one ask yourself ... and be honest about it, ask yourself, "Where can I improve?"

Where can you improve in regards to the commitments you make? Can you improve holding yourself accountable in those commitments? Can you improve the level of honesty in your communication?

Maybe you can think of specific relationships where you do tend to take things personally. Maybe its with your spouse, maybe its with a parent, maybe its with your boss where in your communication with them you often take things personally. Maybe by recognizing this you can distance yourself the next time it happens and say to yourself, "You know what... whatever is wrong with them more than likely... does not really have to deal with me."

Ask yourself where are some situations where you can stop assuming and get more proactive in gaining the information you need to make communication more fruitful and less combative.

And ask yourself, where can you honestly raise your standards on doing your best, rather than just trying?

I look forward to hearing how you apply what we've shared in this episode. I look forward to your feedback and I definitely look forward to hearing back from you soon.

Have a great day.

Enjoy the next episode of SA 101 Courage Is Being Scared To Death...

< EP 10: Use Our Imagination          EP 12: Courage / Scared To Death >

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