How To Feel Deserving
Self-Awareness 101 Episode 42: How To Feel Deserving.
In this episode Willard discusses one of the key distinctions for attracting into your life is knowing how to feel worthy and deserving of what you desire. This shift allowed him to go from a place of constant struggle to a place of allowing what he desired to be attracted into his life.
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Have you ever had a time in your life where you were doing all the right things, you were taking all the right steps, but for some reason your goal, your outcome, just seemed to keep eluding you? And it seemed that no matter how hard you tried you just could not get it? Sometimes, I believe that it may be because of a lack of knowledge, maybe you are missing a step that you need to take and a simple shift can make all the difference. But I'm talking about something much different here. What I am talking about is when you know beyond a doubt, totally at your core that you are doing everything right. You are taking all the right steps and it just seems like the universe keeps saying, "Nope, not yet. Nope. Not yet!” But the Universe was not denying me my dreams. I discovered that I needed to learn how to feel deserving of what I was asking for.
I can attest to having had that type of experience, and it was amplified for me because I was actually coaching other people on how to achieve the same kind of outcomes in their lives. I was teaching them how to attract what they wanted into their lives, how to get in better physical health, how to create financial abundance and improve their communication and relationships. There was a group of about 8 people that I was coaching in these different areas. And what I was teaching them, they were applying in their lives and it was bringing them amazing results. But in my own life I was struggling in every one of those areas.
I actually began to question my right and my ability to coach these people. I would start thinking to myself if it wasn't working for me, what authentic right did I have to coach these people on these things? I struggled with that a lot, because the other side of the coin was that they were getting the results from following my direction. So I began to have a belief that the Universe had a really weird sense of humor and that I was the “cosmic punch line“. I mean that is really what I started to believe. Talk about a very dis-empowering belief system.
This was happening about ten years ago. During that time, I went to a seminar along with these 8 people that I was coaching that was put on by Bijan Anjomi. Bijan is the author of "Effortless Prosperity " and he was doing a two day event that was called, "Clearing to Create". While we were there, Bijan was talking about how everything we desire in the Universe is available to you; you just have to be open to receive. As he spoke, I sat there struggling to accept what he was saying because on the one hand, my Spiritual journey had brought me to that place of believing that we all are entitled to anything that we desire in life. I did believe that the Universe does not hold things back from us. But on the other hand, the results in my life were quite the opposite. It seemed that I was having everything held back from me.
So I said to Bijan, “I don't understand, I'm doing all the right things. There are actually people sitting here in this room with me that I'm teaching these skills to, and they're getting great results. But I'm not. Why?”
Well, Bijan tried to address my question with a comment about how to feel deserving and worthy, but what he shared didn't really help me. But by asking the question the opportunity that did open up was that during the lunch break, another person who was there, peak performance coach Bob Quintana, approached me and we talked for an hour and a half during the break. Bob was actually the man who gave me my very first job as a coach. He owned the Tony Robbins franchise in New Jersey and had hired me as a coach after I had attended a few of his seminars.
After about an hour, Bob asked me a very eye-opening question. Before he asked me, he pre-framed it by getting me to make a commitment to him. He said, "Will, I have a very important question to ask you. But when I ask you this question, I don't want you to think about the answer. I don’t want you to run it through the “logic” process. I want you to go with your gut. The very first answer that comes up, say it. Most importantly, be honest."
I said, “Okay, I commit to that."
He asked, "Do you feel worthy and deserving of those things you're asking for in your life?" And the very first response that came up was, “No.” As the words came out of my mouth, they shocked me. But as Bob and I talked and we looked at it more deeply, it all made sense. I began to understand that I needed to know how to feel deserving of what I desire if I am going to attract it into my life.
You may have heard me share in previous episodes that our belief systems determine everything that we do in our lives. They determine the potential we tap into, the actions that we will take and the results that we achieve.
And what we discovered was that I had a belief system, I had a set of rules set up that said for me to deserve the prize, the only way that I knew how to feel deserving, here were all these things that had to fall into place. I had a belief that there were all these things that had to happen first. And one of the biggest beliefs that I had was, “For me, nothing could come easy.”
How many of you have been taught that if you want a great body, you gotta sweat, you gotta struggle, you gotta hurt, and maybe you live by the belief, “No pain, no gain.” Or maybe you have a belief in business that you need to “Keep your nose to the grindstone“, “No rest for the wicked”, “Success is not easy” or all these different other different beliefs that achieving success is hard. You have been taught that how to feel deserving involves meeting all these other rules first. Does this make sense?
I was taught by many different people growing up, that you had to “earn” everything in life. Nothing was supposed to come easy. I was taught that you had to “pay your dues” and you had to make sure they were paid before you “deserved” the prize.
Without realizing it, I created so many rules for myself about how to feel deserving and what I had to do to be “worthy” of the outcome, that I would sabotage myself every time I would come close to it because I never felt I had paid the price yet to deserve it.
If it was in respect to a relationship and I started to get close to the relationship I wanted, I would start to think, “Well, I haven't really established myself financially and I haven't worked out this issue yet, and my body is not the way I want it to be…” and I would sabotage the relationship in some way. I would find a way to ruin it because I believed that I wasn't deserving of a loving relationship yet. I hadn't achieved those other things yet, so I could not have the relationship I wanted. Or if it was in my finances, I had a belief that I was not worthy of getting that $20,000 contract because I did not have a proven track record yet. I did not know how to feel deserving of that kind of success.
Ultimately, I was creating all the rules, I was creating all the obstacles to getting what it was that I deserved.
Through that conversation with Bob I really began to examine those belief systems and began learning how to feel deserving. I started tearing those rules and beliefs down, getting rid of them because I do truly believe that the universe wants us to have everything we desire.
There is a great little poem, a story that I heard and I don't know who to give credit to but it talks about this person going to heaven. It tells about this person walking down the hallway and they are talking with God. As they are talking, the person notices that they are passing all these rooms where these angels were piling up all these presents. Finally after passing about ten or twelve rooms filled to the ceilings with presents, the person turns to God and asks, "God, what is going on in all these rooms? Are these offerings that people are giving you? It doesn’t make sense to me that God would need to store gifts in rooms like this"
And God turns to the man and says, "No, these are the gifts that people have asked for. But just when they were ready to receive them, they changed their mind."
And I thought about that in regard to Bob sharing with me about how to feel deserving of what I asked for.
How many gifts is the universe ready to give me? How many is ready to give you? That we stop it from coming because we don’t know how to feel deserving and we say, "Thank you, but I don't deserve it yet. I mean, I appreciate it, but I don't deserve it yet.”
As I thought about the idea of how to feel deserving and worthy I realized that I sabotaged what I was working towards many times in my life that way.
So what I'd like to invite you to do for this week's exercise on how to feel deserving is take a look at your life. As an example, maybe it is in relation to your physical health. Maybe you are trying to lose weight, you're trying to get on a diet or maybe you are trying to quit smoking or you're trying to quit drinking, but you keep failing. Ask yourself this question and pay very close attention to the first answer that comes back. "Do you feel worthy and deserving?" If the answer is, "NO" maybe it is a good idea for you to explore why. Take a look at those belief systems that you have around being worthy and how to feel deserving. Go back to that earlier video we did on belief systems. Do you need to change your belief systems or rules on how to feel deserving? Sometimes how to feel deserving is about self-forgiveness. Sometimes the solution of how to feel deserving is learning about letting go of guilt or shame that has you thinking that you do not deserve good things in your life. We also have got an episode on that topic.
I really ask you to look at these things because you do truly deserve anything that you desire in your life. Look at your business, your finances, do you feel worthy and know how to feel deserving of having a better income? Do you know how to feel deserving of a better home? Of having the relationship you desire? Self-awareness is about recognizing that you control and you determine your outcome.
Before I wrap this episode, I mentioned both Bijan Anjomi and Bob Quintana. Self-Awareness 101 will be coming to an end with the 52nd episode. But we are going to be creating more videos and other series. One of the projects that we are working on is where we are going to be interviewing successful people in the field of personal development and self-awareness. As part of that series, we're also going to be interviewing everyday people who have discovered and are living their authentic life.
Bijan and Bob have already agreed to be two of our subjects in our interviews. So I just wanted to throw that little teaser out there. That is something we are putting together now and is going to be coming out in a few months.
But to finish this topic, do you feel worthy and deserving? If the answer is no and you are wanting to know how to feel deserving. Quite simply, look at what you have been doing to deny yourself. Then give yourself permission. Choose to be worthy and deserving of all that you desire.
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Choose the next Episode you would like to watch from the list below:
Self-Awareness 101 Series with Transcription Plus
Introduction To Self-Awareness 101: To Inspire, Educate and Empower
SA 101 Episode 1: The Importance of Developing Self-Awareness
SA 101 Episode 2: How to Truly Learn from Mistakes
SA 101 Episode 3: To Soar, I Needed To Let Go Of The Past
SA 101 Episode 4: The Meaning That We Give Things
SA 101 Episode 5: Kind Words And Good Deeds Are Eternal
SA 101 Episode 6: Life Begins At The End Of Your Comfort Zone
SA 101 Episode 7: Two Most Powerful Words You'll Ever Say
SA 101 Episode 8: Making Time For What's Truly Important
SA 101 Episode 9: Expectations and Desires About How It Ought To Be
SA 101 Episode 10: Tap Into The Sources Of The Universe
SA 101 Episode 11: The Four Agreements
SA 101 Episode 12: Courage-Being Scared But Saddling Up Anyways
SA 101 Episode 13: The Power Of Belief Systems
SA 101 Episode 14: Change Is Inevitable, Growth Is Optional
SA 101 Episode 15: You Always Have Choices, It's OK To Say No
SA 101 Episode 16: Encountering External Resistance To Change
SA 101 Episode 17: Creating A Supportive Environment
SA 101 Episode 18: Our Decisions Determine Who We Become
SA 101 Episode 19: Questions To Ask When You Overcome An Obstacle
SA 101 Episode 20: A List Of Excuses Vs. Results
SA 101 Episode 21: The Meaning Of Honesty
SA 101 Episode 22: Living In Gratitude
SA 101 Episode 23: Repetitive Patterns
SA 101 Episode 24: Non-Verbal Cues
SA 101 Episode 25: Be Brave Enough To Accept The Help Of Others
SA 101 Episode 26: Positive Thoughts And Positive Intentions
SA 101 Episode 27: Active Listening Skills
SA 101 Episode 28: How Self-Awareness Relates To Spirituality
SA 101 Episode 29: Positive Affirmations
SA 101 Episode 30: Basic Meditation Exercises
SA 101 Episode 31: Personal Development At Work
SA 101 Episode 32: Toxic Shame
SA 101 Episode 33: Eliminating Clutter
SA 101 Episode 34: How To Forgive Others
SA 101 Episode 35: Self-Forgiveness
SA 101 Episode 36: Deepening Self-Awareness
SA 101 Episode 37: What Is Fear?
SA 101 Episode 38: How To Overcome Fear
SA 101 Episode 39: Dealing With Your Anger
SA 101 Episode 40: How To Find Your Passion
SA 101 Episode 41: Increasing Your Self-Awareness
SA 101 Episode 42: How To Feel Deserving
SA 101 Episode 43: How To Be A Humble Observer
SA 101 Episode 44: Progress Not Perfection
SA 101 Episode 45: Expectations And Perfectionism
SA 101 Episode 46: Dealing With Anger
SA 101 Episode 47: Taking Responsibility For Yourself
SA 101 Episode 48: Achieving Higher Consciousness
SA 101 Episode 49: Trust Life
SA 101 Episode 50: Being Skeptical
SA 101 Episode 51: Benefits Of Closure
SA 101 Episode 52: The Final Episode
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