< Chapter 1:2 Chapter 2:2 >
The date was December 20th 1973, the day that the world changed forever for me. It was the first time I awoke in my new body. I felt an itch on my lower left leg, and in my drowsiness, I reached down to scratch it. I was thinking to myself... “an itch?!?!?! They must have saved it, God did love me, a miracle had happened… THANK YOU GOD!!!” As my hand slowly slid down my thigh and reached my knee, I found no knee… no leg… only bandages, and nothing else where my leg used to be. I looked through my half open eyes to the blurred image at the side of my bed and asked, “It’s gone isn’t it?” My aunt Deb who was sitting with me quietly replied “Yes” and left to get my mother, before she was out the door I closed my eyes, began to cry and fell back to sleep. I didn’t want to be there anymore, sleep and dreams of another life would allow me to escape.
The seeds of hatred and resentment had been planted. It was 5 days before Christmas, and I was 8 years old. “Look what Santa brought me for Christmas”, I thought to myself sarcastically. This was the time of year when other children’s heads are filled with anticipation and excitement. Mine was filled with confusion and contempt. The celebration of the birth of Christ in 1973 was the beginning of the death of my belief in baby Jesus and the religion that exalted him.
I wasn’t out of the hospital yet, but they did let me come home for a day to visit my family near Christmas time. I remember everyone being at my Grandmothers house, and how I felt so ashamed as they all tried to help me. Things that used to be simple, like getting from the road in front of the house to her front door, which was maybe 30 yards, went from a brisk walk of a few seconds, to fifteen minutes and 5 people struggling to drag a wheelchair through the snow.
The doorways that I used to race through while my Grandmother called after me to be careful, became a complex obstacle where two of my uncles would spend about 5 minutes trying to figure a way that would not scrape the paint, or jar me too much as they tried to squeeze me in through the door in my new mode of transportation, a shiny wheelchair with orange seat covers.
Those orange covers made me feel like I was carrying a neon sign saying, “Look at me!!! I’m a cripple!!!” It was an ordeal to just get from one room to another as they slowly tried to guide me along without knocking into furniture or decorations. I was humiliated, not even being able to go to the bathroom without someone helping me. That day, I swore that no one would ever have to “do” for me. I would take care of myself. If something had to be done, I would either do it myself, or it wouldn’t get done.
< Chapter 1:2 Chapter 2:2 >
The Warrior Sage Chapter/Section
Who Is Willard Barth?
Preface - Exploring Strength And Weakness
Chapter 1:1 - The Process Of Self-Awareness
Chapter 1:2 The Stages Of Child Development
Chapter 2:1 The World Changed Forever
Chapter 2:2 The Vicious Cycle Begins
Chapter 2:3 Losing Faith
Chapter 2:4 My Dark Secret
Chapter 2:5 Where Is the Love?
Chapter 3:1 Seeking Paths Of Acceptance
Chapter 3:2 The Road To Alcohol Dependence
Chapter 3:3 Leaving My Childhood Behind
Chapter 3:4 Escaping Responsibility; The Joy Ride Ends
Chapter 3:5 Living A Duality Begins
Chapter 3:6 Out Of Control
Chapter 3:7 Crossing The Line To Insanity
Chapter 3:8 The Black-out Drinking Begins
Chapter 3:9 Facing The Music
Chapter 3:10 A New Beginning
Chapter 3:11 More Lessons To Learn
Chapter 4:1 The Final Party
Chapter 4:2 A Moment Of Clarity
Chapter 4:3 My New Life Begins
Chapter 4:4 Sober - Time To Face The World
Chapter 4:5 The First Year Of Sobriety
Chapter 4:6 Major Change Comes In Year Two
Chapter 4:7 My Daughter Is Born April 20, 1992
Chapter 5:1 Life Changing Decisions Follow My Daughter's Birth
Chapter 5:2 Recognizing The Voice Inside
Chapter 5:3 The Empress Hotel
Chapter 5:4 A New Chapter In My Life Begins
Chapter 6:1 Finding My Way Home
Chapter 6:2 Falling Into Place
Chapter 6:3 A New Awareness
Chapter 6:4 Personal Finances And Personal Development
Chapter 6:5 The George Washington Story
Chapter 6:6 Letting Go So Others Can Grow
Chapter 6:7 The Wrap Up
Jump HOME from The World Changed Forever